Confessions Of A Writer Who Doesn’t Write

If I don’t do any writing, do I still get to say I am writer?

Probably not.

A teacher isn’t a teacher if she doesn’t teach.

A guitarist isn’t a guitarist if he doesn’t play his guitar.

But the truth is, I love writing.

I find the experience similar to composing a piece of music.

Words are to language, what notes are to music.

Except that while there are 8 notes in an octave, there are 171,476 words in current use in the English language (according to the Oxford English Dictionary).

Play a single note and you have a sound.

Write or say one word and you have a picture or idea.

Put two or more notes together and you have a melody.

Put two or more words together and you have context.

Carry on a melody and you get a song.

Carry on a context and you get meaning.

And it’s the context that we engage with that creates the meaning that we give to life.

You might have noticed that it is the words, context, and meaning said and created by those that came before us that created the current reality in which we live today. All of it was already there by default. You and I had nothing to do with it. We were born into it.

And what a beautiful thing it is to be able to, in an inherently meaningless world, create meaning of our own.

We are all either living inside of the meaning created by others in the past, or inside one created by ourselves.

And I’m not saying one is better than the other.

That’s just why I love writing. Because it manifests reality.

However, the fact that I love writing hasn’t made a difference in me doing so regularly, or practicing it with discipline.

In a previous article we talked about Why We Don’t Do The Things That Will Bring Us The Greatest Joy. Writing is one of those things for me.

What we haven’t discussed is the mechanics of human nature that is at the root of it all.

In short: Attachment vs. Commitment.

I hope that in sharing my personal example, you get to see where in life you might be stopped yourself, and begin to find a new access to expressing your message to the world, whatever that might be for you.

I have a commitment that this message of Love Is Our Nature, makes a difference; a profound difference – that people everywhere are enabled to live a life filled with Love, Joy, Harmony, and Fulfillment.

I’m connected to the fact that it has the potential to provide that.

…As long as I don’t screw it up.

That’s where attachment comes in.

See, our brains are designed to protect us from fear. And as we discussed in that last article, fear of failure is a very real thing. And the larger the commitment, the bigger the perceived failure if it doesn’t work out.

So our brain will do whatever it can to make us retreat from that fear.

What arises from this fear is an attachment to it working out, as well as an attachment to it not failing.

For me, there are several layers to how this attachment shows up. Here’s what it looks like:

The first layer of it is major procrastination. I jot down an idea for an article and then leave it there forever. I say to myself I’m too busy with multiple projects right now so I can’t do it now, but then again, I won’t look at my schedule to pencil in a time to actually do it even if it has to be a couple of weeks out.

Procrastination is not a real thing by the way. We always make time for the things that we really want. In this case, my brain is not really interested in confronting this fear of failure. Sure, it’s a great article idea, but what if I screw it up?

When I finally do get around to it, only because of the accountability from others that I have created around me, mission impossible begins. The level of over-analysis my brain engages in with almost every sentence that I write is ridiculous. An idea that would have taken me 10 minutes to discuss in a conversation, and perhaps 30 minutes to write about, now takes me 15 hours.

Then there’s a whole other layer after a grueling writing session. Now I have to make sure that it’s PERFECT! Growing up, my dad always told me, “whatever you do, make sure you’re the best at it!” That could be very sagely advice, or just plain terrible advice depending how you take it. And I can talk a whole lot more about what I discovered I decided about myself at 8 yrs old which led to me being competitive, always trying to accomplish more only to prove my worth. So if I’m not mindful of my context, now the quality of my article becomes a reflection of my worth as a human being.

I’ll spare you the rest of that whole picture. In short, I end up opening and closing my laptop about 20 times, and sometimes, not to open it again.

What’s going on under the surface is, I’m getting crushed under the pressure of…

…does my writing make sense?

…can I really get my intended message across?

…will it make the difference that I want to make for people?

…what if it doesn’t make a difference?

…can I make that difference?

…what if I fail?

…what if the whole thing is a flop?

…what if I’m not good enough?


It’s all a gripping attachment to the result and outcome.

I want you to think of what it looks like for you when you are engaging with producing results in whatever that thing is that really matters to you. You very likely  have your own version of the above.

Does it always have to be that way?

Fortunately, no it doesn’t.

See, I said earlier, that I have a huge “commitment” that this message makes a profound difference, but that was a lie.

Most of the time, I have a huge attachment that this message makes a profound difference.

And that’s what explains the large gaps in my writing, the procrastination, the grueling experience whenever I do get around to it.

It’s a product of my brain trying to protect me from fear.

However, we have the ability to come from a different place.

Commitment, if you ask me, comes from love.

A parent loves their child regardless – period. Regardless of grades in school, regardless of career choice, regardless of their accomplishments. Sure, every now and then, the parent might themselves get a little attached to wanting what they think is best for their child, but that’s natural of being a human being.

It’s the same thing with our projects in life.

Commitment is being and acting consistent with what matters to you regardless of results.

Attachment is letting the results, or the fear of results, determine the way you be and act.

Today, as an example, writing this article was effortless.

OK, fine.. Mostly!

..because I love writing. Even more so, I love having the opportunity to share my thoughts, ideas, and beliefs with you. And when I manage to come from love, it just flows.

And maybe reading this gave you something to walk away with, maybe it didn’t.

Either way, I’m grateful for you. And I hope you can choose to be and act from a place of love and commitment, in service of what matters the most to you.

“‘My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer’
said the boy.
‘Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse
than the suffering itself, and no heart has ever
suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.’
replied the alchemist.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist