Who Am I, Really? Part 2 – Looking Back At Lessons And Victories
May 28, 2019
Adult as a Possibility
February 22, 2020
Steve Jobs used to say that every morning when he would look himself in the bathroom mirror, he would ask himself..
“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”
Then he added..
“Whenever the answer has been ‘No’ too many times in a row, I know I need to change something.”
That stuck with me. Every now and then I would ask myself that same question. At 28, I knew that if I had asked myself that question every day, the answer would have been ‘No’ every single day for 3 years now. Except perhaps for a handful of days like birthdays and holidays spent with my friends and family.
That’s a lot of days.
1,095 days to be exact.
1,095 days of…
…going through the motions.
…making the best of it.
…hoping for a better future.
1,095 days that I’m never gonna get back.
But here’s what did come out of those 1,095 days. I get to share this message with you.
Here’s an important thing to point out, it’s not like I was suffering. Personally, I was genuinely in a good place. I had peace of mind, great friends.. Sure, business could have been better, but at least I had a business. I was pretty content.
When we are miserable, it’s easy to see that something needs to shift. It’s when everything is fine that it becomes difficult to see the broader horizon.
What didn’t sit well with me at that time was that I was certain that there was a lot more that I was capable of, and a lot more that I could be, do, and have if I really got my act together and started going for it.
In hindsight, I realize I was just missing answers to some questions. One of the main questions being:
What will finally get me going, and actually get me to move from the life I’m currently living to the life I would love to live?
Looking back I can see that I wasn’t asking myself that question very much. Had I been doing so, I would have probably spent less time in that space.
Often times, the question is more important than the answer.
I then learned that I wasn’t the only one living life that way. Through observation and many conversations, I found that as human beings we generally have a sense that life will be better later; that how we are living life right now, in this very moment, is not the way we would do it if we could create life by our own design, or in other words, if we got to do absolutely anything.
But never mind other people’s answers, ask the question to yourself…
If today were the last day I had to live, would I want to do what I am about to do today?
If you’re like most people, you likely answered no.
Chances are you can think of several things that you want to get to someday, things that you’ve been putting off, things that you’re gonna “get around to” sooner or later, very soon for that matter, just not exactly right at this moment.
Things like:
-Pursuing that dream career
-Starting that business you’ve been thinking about for a long time
-Going to the gym regularly
-Eating better
-Practicing that musical instrument consistently
-Taking a dance class
-Going on that trip to your dream destination
-Starting that community project or non-profit organization
-Spending time with your favorite new hobby
-Calling your mother
-Coffee with your friend to catch-up
-Building intimacy and connection with your brother or sister
-Living a stress free life where you get to relax (ok, maybe this one you gave up on all together)
-Or any other good ideas that you carry with you
The truth is we could go on forever making that list. I have a name for the realm in which we keep all these items. It’s the “good-idea-that-I’ll-get-around-to-soon-enough-but-not-quite-just-yet” realm.
You tell yourself “maybe one day..” and that’s as far as it goes. Or maybe that thing that was such a great and inspiring idea at one point, barely even pops into your head anymore.
How come we are ok with having those things sitting in the “good-idea” realm of things that we will get to someday but have no solid plan for?
The answer is very simple, but it might be a tough pill to swallow. Ready? Here it is..
We are semi-delusional.
We have put one over on ourselves. This whole time we have been deceived by public enemy number one.
Hope.
The hope for a better future has kept you so sure that you will get around to all those things sooner or later, so sure that things will eventually turn-out somehow, that it has made it ok for you to not be in action creating the life you always wanted Now.
Think about it for a moment. Pick any one of those good-idea items, the one that matters to you the most. Aren’t you..
..so sure that you will get around to it sooner or later?..
..or convinced that eventually you will be prepared enough to make it happen?
..or trust that the future is brighter, and somehow it will turn out?
..or that one day, fear will subside, and you’ll be ready to go for it?
But let’s confront for a moment the idea that every single aspect of your life – the way that it is right now at this very moment – will stay exactly the way it is.
Everything, career, business, relationships, health, or the lack thereof in any of these areas.. it’s all going to stay the way that it is right now FOREVER.
Just for a moment, consider the notion that exactly the way life is now, it will be that way forever.
What would that be like for you?
Happy? Satisfied? Fulfilled? Or not so much?
Or maybe you responded “No way!”
“There’s no way I would allow my life to stay that way.”
I got news for you:
You have.
Up until now, you have.
This is the way your life is right now, and there is no other way that it is.
What makes you think it will be better or different later?
I hate to say it.. delusional hopefulness.
This is good news though! Confronting the delusional hopefulness that has kept us tranquilized and off the hook from creating the life we always wanted is the very first step in creating it.
For me, one of these areas was business. Ever since I was 18 I always said I would be an entrepreneur one day. I had a friend that I would talk to about business idea after business idea and he would share some of his own and we decided that we would one day start a business together as partners.
After 6 years of talking about starting a business I still had no business. And my friend and I had gone through a laundry-list of business ideas. Sooner or later, we would always find a flaw in our idea, then we would stop, drop it, and eventually start talking about the next one.
Remember the question:
What will finally get me going, and actually get me to move from the life I’m currently living to the life I would love to live?
I finally found the answer to that question.
Here it is:
Nothing.
Nothing will get you going from where you are to where you want to be.
It’s not more money, it’s not more time, it’s not finding someone who will take you under their wing (I really milked this one), it’s not a sudden spur of motivation, nor butterflies in your stomach, it’s not once you have more knowledge, it’s not once you’re in better health, it’s not once you find a sign.
Nothing will do that. Nothing will get you going.
Only you will. All those things are how you keep yourself off the hook from putting your ass on the line. If you were disappointed with the answer, and were hoping for a “better” one that would make it all easier, THAT is exactly what we are talking about. That’s the hopeful mindset/attitude/brain-pattern part of you that actually stops you from producing everything you ever wanted in life.
Stop hoping it got easier. It won’t.
This is it. There’s no cavalry coming to the rescue. It’s not gonna get any better, and there is no hope.
And you’re not gonna get a sign from the universe either.
Actually, Yes, if you were waiting for a sign, here it is:
There you go, you got a sign now.
After those 6 years, and identifying the pattern that we kept repeating, in which we kept finding reasons why NOT to go with a specific business idea, versus looking for the reasons why to move forward, I went to my friend, with no extra spur of motivation, and said to him..
“We’re going with this one.”
“Dude, but what about— ”
“I don’t care, we’re going with this one.”
He was confronted, and so was I. But we incorporated, and set a date for our Launch Event of our nightlife catering business.
We had 3 months to prepare everything. We spent 3 weeks deciding on a logo with a design company, got a website, connections, vendors, everything was looking very promising and exciting. He was in charge of promoting. Three weeks before the event he bailed.
I bought out his half, was far from a promoter, but kept running the company for 6 months. After losing money event after event and depleting all my savings, and realizing that the nightlife biz was not for me after all, I closed up shop.
What a waste right? Well, not so much. Through that experience I learned how to build a website and some online marketing.
The very next day, I created a logo myself on a free website in about 15 minutes and started the marketing agency that I’ve been running for 8 years now.
I wish I could say that I am never stopped anymore and that I go for it all now, but that’s not the case. I catch myself in the “some-day” context all the time, throwing things in the good-idea-that-I’ll-get-around-to-soon-enough-but-not-quite-just-yet pile.
So what now?
What can you do about this?
Start.
Pick it back up.
Take one action.
Do that thing you love.
Do that thing that you know you need to do to take your life to the next level.
Do something.
Realize that there’s no one or anything coming that will make it better. There’s only you, as you are now.
It doesn’t matter what, just take one new action. Not because you’re inspired or feel good about it, but because you say so.
The paradox is that the inspiration you were waiting for, will come after you go for it. But don’t wait for that inspiration. You might fail the first time, or the second time. But you’ll know yourself as someone who goes for it.
And eventually, without any special notice, you’ll wake up one day, look around at your life, and realize you are living the life you always wanted.
This is it.
Give yourself the gift of doing something you are proud of or doing something you love.
One day, or Day One.
You choose.
P.S.
In my opinion, everyone deserves to have all that they want out of life. But the greatest joys in life are often gifts that only you can give you. If you are choosing to go for it, and are looking for some further insight as to HOW, I invite you to read this article on producing results.
